Stupid Is as Stupid Does!

Stupid is as stupid does! I took the gold medal the other night in this department, and this is how it all went down. I’m taking a shower and grab my new squeeze bottle of face wash, but I can’t get it open…tug here, push there, use my teeth, can’t do it. Oh well, I finish with my shower. After doing so, I grabbed the face wash and was determined to get it open to no avail. So, I grab a pair of scissors and try to pry it open. Still no luck, and I continue with the scissors. In a split second, as I’m pushing the scissors down, they slip off the container and are pushed into my hand… it was slow motion from here. Time nearly stood still …I could see the blades in my hand, and I yanked them out just as fast. OOOPSIE DOODLE, blood came out like Old Faithful! Mirrors, walls, cabinets, you name it! Hello Monty Python! I quickly shove my hand under water, while in my head reviewing the huge mess I am making! I look around for anything to wrap it with. Of course the towel is not on the towel rack, drat! I glance at the toilet paper a few feet away…can’t reach it. So I decide to sprint towards it …not so much. Now I’m getting the floor tile and toilet seat soaked and frantically trying to wrap it with tissue that is getting soggier faster than I can get a new layer around…NOT WORKING...GRRR! Then I decide to make a dash towards the hall closet to grab a towel…carpet is now red, but I am successful.

I get my hand wrapped up and am now seriously pondering this situation…REALLY PIXIE?!?!?!! You are how old and you can’t use scissors correctly, REALLY!! So, I go to get band-aids…riiiggght, I remove the towel to reveal a small river of blood. I quickly put it back on. So then I call my best friend…my thought was I would tell her the funny story, we would laugh, and then by the time we were done, my hand would be dried up…(Jackass, my table is now available), not so much. She convinces me to go to a CentraCare. I reluctantly agree, not really looking forward to this trip and am still thinking about super glue and a bunch of band-aids. So now I have her on the phone, towel on my hand and I’m trying to find clothes to put on. I’m hopping around with one hand trying to pull on jeans with one leg in, she’s telling me to hurry and my towel keeps falling off…Honestlyyyy…it looked like a comedy show I'm sure. I get my jeans on and go to get a shirt. I am seriously having to concentrate at this point…I keep telling her that I’m hurrying, but I at least need to find a cute shirt, you never know, there may be a cute doc at the clinic! I have to take my opportunities as they come! I think she wants to throttle me through the phone at this point. I get a shirt, spray some perfume, and throw my flops on…good to go! But now blood is dripping down my arm because I wasn’t holding the towel tight enough. Grrrr, so I clean that up, get it together and then attempt to get my dogs to go in their crate..not happening, so I just leave them out.

Get in my car and go to the closest clinic, are you kidding me??? They closed at 7pm! This is the hood people, shootings and stabbings don’t start until at least 10pm! WTH! I get on my phone and find one open till midnight…of COURSE it’s across town…literally. I passed two ER’s to get there, but there was no way in hell that I was going to an ER, the clinic was bad enough. **I would like to note here, that I did not get one drop of blood on Smurfette! Woo whooo!** CentraCare did a fantastic job of stitching me up, poking me with needles and getting me out in an efficient manner - that part couldn’t have been better. I will definitely be bringing those gals some cookies soon. I still missed the ending of Dancing with Stars though, boo.

Finally get home to find two pee puddles from my dogs and more clean up in my room than I really cared to deal with - that part really was really un-cool. Finally, my bed, some strong pills and some sleep…and no, I never got the face wash opened L

Moral of the story kids: don’t play with scissors!

xoxo,

Pixie