Gym Rat Shenanigans?

I will just start by saying, in no way shape or form am I a gym all-star. I was a gymnast and a dancer as a kid, worked out everyday just about, but as an adult, not so much. BUT, I do like playing sports and will play or do just about anything. Football; sweet, kickboxing; cool, snowboarding; bring it on. Let me also start by stating, I am a complete JACKASS, yes, a jackass. I have no fear and do everything as if I’ve been doing it for years, only to wake up after knocking myself out or taking off a few layers of skin. My mum used to always say “you’re one check away from welfare”. Tis true. (I can still hear her saying it in my head all the time) So it had been 15 years since I had stepped foot in an actual gym. Weights? Ew. Elipta what? Eww. Machines….that people sweat on, EWWWWWWWW. Gross. Yea, not for me. I really wanted to get back into dance though, so I went and checked it out.  All I can say is, while the kid was giving me a tour and showing me around, I swear, all I could hear was Charlie Brown’s teacher in my head over and over and over. At every turn I was reminded of why I don’t like gyms…woe is me <sigh> …We eventually get to the meat head department and I finally looked at him and said “dude, me and machines don’t get along. I will never ever use them, I don’t want to use them, and honestly, you don’t want the liability of me using them, I just want to dance”. He giggled and said no problem. Then he asked if I would like a personal trainer…I really wanted to say “Have you lost your mind, did you hear me? Look at me…does it look like bulking up is on my “to do” list? The only lifting I want to do is a glass of wine from the table to my mouth, that’s it.” I snapped myself back to reality and ended up just shaking my head no. He then shows me the dance studio and the sauna…ahhhhh, good times, now that was more like it!

I get signed up, I’m feeling pretty good, feeling kinda cute, and go to my first class…..WHOA, yea, no one told me there is a gym mafia out there. Who knew?? Not me! These people are nuts. Everyone has their un-assigned, un-spoken of; specific spot. This is THE spot, THEIR spot on the dance floor, and heaven forbid someone even look at their spot the wrong way, they protect their spot fiercely! (think of the holy grail here)  There may even be an underground market on the trading of these spots..not sure yet. They have specific groups, and outsiders get complete stare downs…crazy town. Peeps, gym mafias, they exist, sooooo not kidding. I thought my hood was bad, but helllll to the no! I was way more afraid of my dance class than my hood. I really just wanted to slink out the back door and just be happy I tried….but no, I stayed for my punishment… It very well could be the same as getting initiated…maybe, kinda?

Class ends, I survived. I felt like I had gotten my ass kicked from here to next week and was thinking that maybe I needed to try out the yoga class next time. I walked outside to my car and to my complete amusement, two cars are fighting over the parking space right outside the front door…mind you, the rest of the parking lot is empty, and we are at a GYM. Really?? It was a full on showdown! I almost expected Kathy Bates to come yelling out of her car “I have more insurance than you!” (That didn’t happen peeps) I couldn’t help but giggle to myself and think about how even at the gym, people will fight over the closest parking spot…good ole’ Americana…To this day, the parking lot kills me every time with the giggles J.

Xoxo,

Pix